Tuesday Jams [14] – HAIM – My Song 5 (ft. A$AP Ferg)

TuesdayJamsSharonda from Brazen Babe Reviews (was Salacious Reads) came up with this “meme” called Tuesday Jams. Her idea is simple: share a song you’ve been loving like crazy lately.

What’s yours?

I hadn’t heard of HAIM until I happened upon My Song 5 on Sony Music Unlimited’s New Releases list last week (though the song actually came out in 2013).

The official video cuts the music in and out in favor of the Jerry-Springer-esque “action”, so I’ve tracked down an audio only version. I hope you fall for it as quickly as I did (but I do have an odd streak in what I like ;) The official video is mildly amusing if you’re into mimes & cats :D

Audio Only Video

Official Video

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Trauma Llama – Susanne Matthews and The Infamous Cloe Slaw Caper, Part Deux (@jandsmatt)

trauma-llama-180-180Susanne Matthews returns to give part two of her cole slaw trauma llama! She’s got a spiffy new romantic suspense out, too. Checkout the blurb below and scroll for an excerpt.

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TourCover-On His Watch

What starts as a quiet evening alone watching football turns into the night from hell for FBI agent Jason Spark, who is covering sheriff duties for his honeymooning brother. He thought the 911 call was a butt dial but instead stepped into a bloodbath, complete with writing on the wall. It’s a scene straight out of a slasher movie—a dead physician, his son, and his wife so badly beaten, it’ll be a miracle if Nikki Hart survives.

When Nikki Hart awakes from a coma, she’s terrified. She doesn’t know her name, recognize her face, or remember anything about herself and her past. She clings to the memory of the angel who comforted her in her darkest moments, but no one in the world she wakes up in resembles the good guy.

Evidence in the case leads Jason to The Butcher, a hired assassin usually contracted by the Sicilian mob, a man who doesn’t quit until the job’s done. News of Nikki’s recovery puts her in the killer’s sights again. Jason will do whatever it takes to protect the woman he’s learning to love. But can he save her from a vicious killer intent on earning his million dollar fee and his employer bent on revenge?

And when the smoke clears, can Nikki ever forgive the secret role he played in her injuries?

Purchase Echoes of the Past from Amazon, Kobo, B+N.

Check Susanne’s Website for other purchase options.

 

Susanne’s Trauma Llama Tale Part Deux

Hello again. If you visited back on July 17th, you had a chance to laugh at my dramatic faux pas. If you’ll recall, the woeful tale ended with me, covered in coleslaw, sitting on the floor at the equally coleslaw covered feet of my sister’s father-in-law.

As the coleslaw settled in a wet, green, oily blanket around us, the crowd came running to see which child had fallen down the steps. Logical conclusion considering the one wailing was the three year old and her six-year-old conspirator was nowhere to be seen. One look at the gooey green mess, had everyone gasping. My sister, a nurse, immediately took charge of the situation while my brother-in-law continued to pass out drinks to the curious and somehow growing audience. Mitch, that’s my sister, called to my mom to get some paper towels and regular towels. Paper towels arrived quickly, but the other towels were locked in the washroom with Mrs. Smith, still oblivious to the event.

Assuring herself that her father-in-law, although somewhat stunned, was relatively unscathed, she helped him out of the corner where he still cowered and sent him back up to the kitchen where some of the other women tried to clean him up. I doubt they had much luck. At that moment, Mrs. Smith vacated the bathroom and with a “Holy, jumping Jesus, what happened to you, Murdo?” was brought up to date. Towels were fetched and my sister turned her attention to me.

Picture this if you can. A women, sitting on the floor, right leg straight out, left leg buried under her hot pink knit and coleslaw covered body.  It was in my hair, brown at the time, running down my face, in my cleavage and of course puddled in my lap. What wasn’t covered in bits of green was stained with oil and vinegar. Needless to say, the suit was ruined and eventually consigned to the rag bag.

If you’ve ever fallen in public, your first desire is to get up as quickly as you can, a task impossible given my situation. I wanted to stand, prayed to stand, begged to stand, but all of my pleas fell on deaf—make that pigheaded—ears. My sister refused to allow anyone to help me up until she’d checked me over. Once she determined I hadn’t hit my head, and wasn’t in some kind of shock since I wasn’t crying, but kept apologizing like a broken record, she had my husband—oh yes, he was there laughing his damn head off—move the spectators away so she could look at my leg… not the one sticking straight out, but the one crushed under my 150 lb. body. With my laughing husband’s help, she managed to get my ass off the floor and onto the bottom step. That’s when the tears came!

My expensive pantyhose was ruined! The leg was swelling and my sister was concerned, so, despite my best efforts, once again my pleas were ignored and I was carried to the car, loaded into the back seat, said leg propped up beside me and taken to the hospital for x-rays. Since my sister worked there, she knew exactly what to do and what to say to get immediate attention. I didn’t realize she’d called ahead, so when we pulled into the ambulance bay, there was a nurse and wheelchair waiting for me. Mitch left me in the nurse’s care while she went to park the vehicle. By the time she’d returned, I was in a cubicle, registered, and waiting for the doctor.

At this point I need to say thank God for the Ontario health care system.  I was feeling pretty low. My new outfit was ruined, every part of me seemed oily, the leg throbbed like crazy, and the damn pantyhose I’d paid $12.00 for were shredded. That’s when I realized I should have listened to my mother!

My sister joined me in the cubicle and announced the ER doctor would be in shortly. She uttered the words I will never forget.

“Let me help you take off your pantyhose.”

“Are you nuts?”

“Come on, Sue. Be reasonable. You have to take them off for the doctor and the x-rays. Don’t worry. I’ll help you.”

I burst into tears. “I can’t.”

I Love my sister dearly, but her bedside manner sometimes needs work.

“Why the hell not?”

“Because I’m not wearing any underwear,” I cried.

All my life I’d listened to my mother preach the litany: always wear clean underwear when you go out in case you end up in the hospital, and here I was in the hospital, bare ass to the wind since I’d ignored the rule.  I’d purchased Underalls, the pantyhose and underwear in one combination that guaranteed no unsightly panty lines. When my sister stopped laughing and could breathe again, she helped me take off the offending garment and tossed it in the trash. As she predicted, after examining the leg, the doctor ordered x-rays, so I was back in the wheelchair, this time with my left leg down and my right leg elevated, my short skirt hiked up mid-thigh, my hands buried in my lap trying to make sure no one could see my lady parts, sans panties.

As the nurse pushed me down the hall to x-ray, I wondered where the people had come from since the halls were now crowded and busy.

“Shift change,” she answered cheerfully. “I’m working a split today.”

Just my luck. One hand firmly placed to keep my skirt from exposing me, I pulled up the other to shield my face and prayed I wouldn’t meet anyone I knew.  We arrived at x-ray, and I breathed a sigh of relief—short-lived since she parked me outside the door and vanished!

People kept walking toward me. Some smiled and nodded. Others looked at me curiously. It wasn’t as if we’d taken the time to comb the coleslaw out of my undo.  A few even commented on my aroma.

“Something smells good? I wonder what the cafeteria’s cooking. It smells like coleslaw, but there’s a spicy almost musky scent to it.”

I could have answered, “That would be coleslaw à la Shalimar,” But kept my mouth firmly shut instead. After an eternity, another nurse fetched me out of the hall, x-rays were taken, and within half an hour I was back in my ER cubicle.

“Food news, Mrs. Matthews,” said the doctor whose name I can’t recall. “Nothing’s broken, but you’re going to be black and blue for a while.”

He gave me pain medication, crutches, and an appointment to come back to be checked within a few days. I was off work for two weeks. It took well over a month before my leg returned to its normal color.

I can laugh about this now, and imagine the picture I presented, but to this day, I always wear panties. To hell with panty lines. I can live with them!

 

The heroine in my latest novel finds herself in the hospital, but there’s nothing funny about what happened to her. Check out my latest Crimson Release, On His Watch.

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Check out this excerpt from On His Watch:

The sound of breaking glass coming from downstairs shattered the stillness. Nikki tensed. Had the sound come from the kitchen? Had she left a window open? She’d shut the bedroom window a few moments ago because the wind had picked up and its whistling sound bothered her. Could it have knocked over the crystal vase of roses Sam had sent her this morning? Perhaps Mrs. Olsen’s tabby had jumped in the window and knocked the vase over. The cat had been a regular visitor when the previous owners had lived here, and he saw no reason to curtail his visits. She’d almost had a heart attack the last time he entered, bringing her a gift—a dead mouse—and Danny had laughed himself silly at “Mommy’s girliness.” Sam, not an animal lover, had threatened to poison the animal if it came into the house again. If the cat had broken the vase, its days were numbered.

Or what if someone was in the house? She’d noticed a lot of strangers in town, some looking more unkempt than others. There were plenty of family campers, but every now and then, she’d seen so-called gold prospectors combing the Larosa hills. Trudy, Mandy’s best friend Lily’s mother, had said they were harmless but to a girl like Nikki from San Francisco, dirty, half-starved men meant trouble. They could easily be junkies desperately needing a fix.

She took a deep breath. She didn’t hear any other suspicious sounds. As Sam would say, she was letting her imagination run wild. Most likely it was one of Larosa’s minor quakes that had caused a glass to slip off the table. Just a few miles off the San Andreas Fault, the town was constantly trembling. She barely noticed the Earth’s slight shaking anymore.

 

Even though she’d convinced herself nothing was amiss, Nikki tiptoed to the guest room, got down on all fours, and peeked under the bed. Mandy was asleep. The child slept like the dead once she was out. Nikki reached for the flashlight, turned it off, and used the bed to leverage her body upright again.

She picked up the cell phone she’d left on the dresser earlier, made sure it was on in case Sam called, and dropped it into the right pocket of her pajama top. Carrying the flashlight, she slipped out of the room, closing the door softly behind her. Maybe getting a dog’s a good idea. It would keep the damn cat out of the house.

Nikki stood still in the hallway and listened. The only thing she could hear was the sound of the television in the den. Someone was buying a vowel.

She reached Danny’s room and opened the door. When she saw his bed was empty, she relaxed and shook her head in resignation. As much as it annoyed her to admit it, this time Sam was right. Her imagination did tend to look for boogeymen where there weren’t any. Clearly her eight-year-old and his bottomless pit of a stomach had decided to have another bedtime snack. No doubt he was the culprit. She left the room and placed the flashlight on the hall table where it usually sat in case of a power outage.

“What did you break this time?” she called as she headed down the stairs. “I swear, you’re like a bull in a china shop.”

The sound of the garage door opening indicated Sam’s arrival. Although the clinic was nearby, since he carried major opiate drugs back and forth, Sam always took his car to work. He’d enter the house through the garage, leaving his lab coat and shoes out there and washing his hands at the sink he’d had installed for that purpose.

“Let’s get this cleaned up before your father comes in.” She turned the corner into the kitchen and stopped cold.

The fridge door was open, the pitcher of orange juice shattered on the floor beside what was left of her crystal vase full of roses, the red petals vanishing in her son’s blood. So much blood! Danny lay there, his head at an awkward angle, his eyes open, looking into the face of death. A scream froze in her throat as arms grabbed her from behind, and the sting of the knife bit into her upper back.

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About Susanne Matthews:

AuthorPhoto-Susanne MatthewsSusanne Matthews was born and raised in Cornwall, Ontario, Canada.  She’s always been an avid reader of all types of books, but always with a penchant for happily ever after romances. In her imagination, she travelled to foreign lands, past and present, and soared into the future. Today, gets to spend her time writing, so she can share her adventures with her readers. She loves the ins and outs of romance, and the complex journey it takes to get from the first word to the last period of a novel. As she writes, her characters take on a life of their own, and she shares their fears and agonies on the road to self-discovery and love.

Follow Susanne on her:  Website    Blog    Facebook page    Twitter @jandsmatt

Amazon author page  and  Goodreads author page

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Spotlight: Cade by V.A. Dold (@VADOLD)

TourBanner-Cade Banner 600

Today I’m spotlighting a Paranormal Romance by V.A. Dold : Cade.

Cade Cover

Cade

  • Series: Le Beau Series #1
  • Author: V.A. Dold
  • Genre: Paranormal Romance
  • Date of Publication: March 17, 2014
  • Number of pages: 239
  • Word Count: 62,000
  • Buy: Amazon

Blurb

Anna James is single again, finally. In her opinion, men are self-centered and will never love her for who she is, a beautiful, plus sized woman. All except the fantasy man that she’s been meeting in her dreams for five years.

She just never expected her fantasy to be a real live alpha shifter…

Cade Le Beau isn’t what he seems. He’s a billionaire wolf. A Shifter. He laments his missed chance six months ago to meet his fantasy woman in the flesh. Just as his second chance presents itself, his fantasy woman, his mate, is threatened by the local mob boss and her ex-husband. Now, he has forty eight hours to deal with this threat once and for all or chance losing her again.

Is it Anna who’s in danger, or the humans who unwittingly threaten her?

The heat is on the moment they lay eyes on each other. Neither, age, children, horrid ex-husbands, nor mob bosses will stop this love affair.

NOTE: Complete novel. No cliffhanger. Dual POV. Rated 18+ for language and strong sexual content. This is an adult paranormal romance with erotic content. The series centers on wolf shifters but also includes vampires, voodoo priestess, a Marine, and magic. These are stand alone books that create a series. They do not need to be read in order.

Excerpt

Prologue- The Plan

 

 

“Emma, we need to take matters into our own hands or they’ll never find their mates.” Isaac Le Beau set his snifter down before he crushed the glass in frustration. “We have seven virile, grown sons, who after two hundred years haven’t found their mates. If we don’t step in and give a hand to the wolf-goddess Luperca, our sons may spend their lives alone, without children to raise and without their other half to love. Dang it, I want some grandchildren, while I’m still young enough to enjoy them.”

He slowly raised his head and gazed at the love of his life, Emma. She was a unique blend of Romanian gypsy heritage and a very powerful voodoo priestess. Even after two centuries her exotic sparkling dark eyes and compact killer soft curves left him breathless. Some would classify her as a big, beautiful woman. He called her ‘sex on a stick‘. He swore she controlled every beat of his heart.

The warmth and agreement in those mesmerizing eyes silently prompted him to continue.

“Would you do your high-priestess voodoo thing and ask the spirits to identify their mates? With some influence we could bring them together, so they can recognize them on their own. I don’t want to force a meeting. Simply provide the opportunity. How about it, will you give it a try?” Isaac asked.

He knew Emma wouldn’t deny him. “Of course, I’ll perform the ritual, but I can’t give you any guarantees. All I can do is try. If we are truly blessed, Luperca will appear to me and give this endeavor her approval. I want our sons happy and I’d love to have a dozen grandchildren running around the house, too.”

Isaac opened his arms wide, inviting Emma to slide onto his lap. He buried his face into her hair breathing in her unique scent. The familiar fragrance calmed him like nothing else. He was confident everything would change for his sons very soon. He could hardly wait for each of them to meet their one true mate. No wolf should go fourteen hundred years alone.

 

 

Two weeks later, they enjoyed the cool breeze that came off the river, flowing through the open windows. A secret little smile lit up Emma’s entire face and her fingers tapped a tune on her cut crystal wine glass. He knew that expression well.

“Out with it, Emma,” Isaac said with a grin of his own. “What is it you’re dying to tell me?” He waited patiently for her to tell him her grand news.

Emma actually bounced in her seat. “I received answers from the goddess.” She clapped her hands excitedly.  “Cade’s mate is in New Orleans right now. Her name is Anna James. The goddess said she has had many unhappy years, but is now open to finding her one true love. Isn’t that fantastic? Two days from now she is destined to be in Jackson Square and then stop to eat lunch at Crescent City Brewhouse. She’ll be in the bar around eleven-thirty. As for the rest of the boys, the goddess said we must have patience. She’ll grant me visions in my dreams or come to me for each of them when the time is right.”

A surge of excited energy rushed through him as a hundred butterflies took up residence in his stomach. This must be what it felt like to win the lottery he thought. “We’ll have to move fast. We need to think of a way to get Cade there at the right time.”

“Maybe we can come up with a way to use Jackson square? Cade sits there so often it might be an option?” Emma offered.

“Maybe.”

He rubbed his chin, forehead crinkled in deep thought. “First we need to get him out of his home office and into the French Quarter. The bank called yesterday about a restaurant up for sale. I’ll have them schedule a meeting with Cade to review our investments and recommend this new opportunity.”  He tapped his chin as the plan took shape, mumbling as he worked it out. He stood and paced across the room, prowled like the animal he was. He couldn’t think properly sitting down.

As he strode back and forth, he noted she had settled into an easy chair to watch him.

“That’ll get him to the city,” he thought aloud as he continued to tap his finger on his chin. “You’re right about his constant people watching, I’m sure he’ll take a walk and perhaps sit a while. A possibility.” Isaac cupped his jaw in his hand and rubbed the coarse stubble.

A satisfied smile tugged at his lips. “I’ve got it! I’ll ask him to meet me for lunch at Crescent City at eleven-thirty. Richie tends the bar, he’ll know the mating signs. When Cade arrives, goddess willing, he will sense his mate. I’ll have Richie tell him I won’t be able to make it. If I’m not there for lunch he will be free to spend time with her.”

Smile broadening, he folded his arms across his chest and nodded. They had a solid plan. In less than a week he could have his first daughter-in-law. Isaac settled into his leather captain’s chair. “I’ll arrange everything with Richie.” He felt two hundred years younger, like the bold robust young man who had swept his mate off her feet. By the wistful expression Emma wore, he must look it, too.

As he sipped his rich, sweet cognac, he imagined a baby in Emma’s lap, sleeping peacefully while a toddler played with blocks on the floor. His sigh brought her attention to him with a raised brow. She would laugh if she knew what he was dreaming.

A smile continued to pull at his lips. He couldn’t help it. He was very pleased with his little romance ambush, positive it would be successful. Cade was in for a wonderful surprise in two days’ time.

“Now that we have the plan, what do you think she will be like? Did the goddess give you any hints?”

She laughed. “No, you silly man, the goddess doesn’t have time for things like that.”

“You know he has always favored curvy women. I sure hope she isn’t skinny, he might not even look at her if she is.” A little shiver ran through him. “Remember the gal he dated who looked a lot like you? She was a plus sized beauty. Cade never said anything, but Marcus drove him crazy with that ‘Oedipus’ nickname.” He laughed as he recalled the antics of the boys.

“You’re right, he does like a woman with meat on her bones. All the boys do.”

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About the Author:

TourAuthor-V.A.DoldV.A.Dold is the bestselling author of the Le Beau Brothers series, New Orleans wolf shifter novels. A graduate of Saint Cloud University, she majored in marketing. Prior to becoming a full time writer, she was a publicist to the authors, owning Innovative Online Book Tours and ARC Author & Reader Con’s (ARC NOLA) (ARC Phoenix). Still is. The companies mesh so well together, much like PB&J.

Her idea of absolute heaven is a day in the French Quarter filled with nothing but her computer, her coffee mug and the Brothers, of course.

A Minnesota native with her heart lost to Louisiana, she has a penchant for titillating tales featuring sexy men and strong women. When she’s not writing, she’s probably taking in a movie, reading or traveling.

Her earliest reading memories are from grade school. She had a major fixation with horses, and the Black Stallion was a favorite. Then junior high came along and teenage hormones kicked in. It became all about the Harlequin Romances. She has been hooked on romances ever since.

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Chats with MG January-July Recap

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It’s been a slow few months for Chats with my guy (MG). Here’s the recap of the ones I’ve posted on Facebook this year.

January 7

So MG decided to count the change in my chicken-shaped piggy bank. He shoved his finger up into the hole to get change to fall out.

Me: Are you fingering that chicken?
MG: *laughs*
Me: You are! You’re repeatedly sticking your finger in that chicken’s undercarriage, making things rain down.
MG: Yes, I am. Blame it on the rain.
Me: Seriously?
MG: *stares*
Me: Do you even know who you just quoted?
MG: No.
Me: Milli Vanilli
MG: *looks blank*
Me: Never mind.
MG: *tips bank over*
Me: *gets out camera*
MG: *vigorously shakes…change simply falls out*
Me: *busts out* You didn’t even have to finger that chicken!
MG: *turns bright red as he laughs* I guess not.

January 22

After he’s been sick for a week:

Me: oh btw, I’m still relatively healthy *knocks on wood again*
MG: stupid braggart human
Me: Haha!

January 31

Me: *walks into the living room, checks the TV, and sees MG is watching the documentary on Minecraft the nerd horde demanded he view* So, how is it?
MG: *glances up from laptop without lifting his fingers from the trackpad* Not that great.
Me: Oh that sucks. What game are you playing?
MG: *looks up sheepishly* I’m actually playing Minecraft.
Me: *busts out*
MG: Everyone kept giving me crap for not trying it!

February 1

MG: I need a new toothbrush.
Me: I kind of do, too. I’m just using the cheap freebie one the dentist gave me.
MG: Yeah, I can’t use those because I need *firm*. I’m a *firm* kind of guy.
Me: *shakes her head*
MG: I just need a band saw.
Me: *stares*
MG: er, I mean a belt sander.
Me: *cracks up*

February 1

MG: These are the times that make men impatient.
Me: *stares*
MG: Or whatever Churchill said.
Me: Um, I suspect Churchill was talking about something far more annoying than sitting at a red light for 45 seconds.
MG: So you mean the Battle of Britain was worse? All they had to do was wait around to get bombed.
Me: And to think you could have, too, if you’d had a bottle of J.D. with you.

[For the record, the quote is "These are the times that try men's souls." and Thomas Paine wrote it. But I had to look that up after the fact]

February 10

Me: When do you want to head out to dinner?
MG: When do you think the mall will be busy?
Me: *growls* Why do I always have to be the one with the answers?
MG: Fine. We’ll go at 5. I have decreed it. It’s been set in stone.
Me: In stone…really.
MG: Yes, I have a guy in Des Moines whose sole job is to chisel my decrees in stone.

February 10

Me: Okay, I’m making a prediction. *relays a work-related prediction*
MG: Okay, I’ll record the prediction.
Me: No. Call your Des Moines guy.
MG: *laughs* Except I didn’t decree that. That’s abusing the Chisler. Get your own tablet maker.
Me: He can’t be called the Chisler unless he has a theme song like the Waffler.

March 6

(About if my health problems are related to a lack of water)

MG: We know we can trust this guy’s advice. His name is “Dr. Axe”. *points to the picture*
Me: *looks* *notes Dr. Axe looks like a fraternity boy*
MG: I assume that’s Axe as in Axe body spray.
Me: *busts out*

March 6

(while he’s still looking up medical stuff)

MG: Dr. Axe says oregano oil is good. He says oregano oil benefits are superior to prescription antibiotics
Me: You know how I feel about oregano.
MG: But it’s good for you. Dr. Axe says 1000 pounds of wild oregano is used to produce just 1 pound of oregano oil.
Me: One pound? That’s A LOT of oil.
MG: Not really. A gallon of milk is like two point two pounds.
Me: And if that pound of oil dropped on our carpet, we’d have to burn the place down. It’s the only way to get rid of it.
MG: But that would be a really good smelling fire. I’d be like “Where’s the Italian restaurant, motherfucker?”
Me: *shakes her head*
MG: I’m bored with Dr. Axe. I looked through like 9 pages and not once did he ax anyone.

July 17

Me (on walking): There were a few people out there jogging/running it. There was one woman with her tiny little dachshund. He made me feel like a slacker (she passed me going the other way). His little feet were practically flying
MG: hahaha those are tiny tiny dogs
Me: Exactly. And he was going faster than the chick…who was likely going faster than me…therefore, I was a slacker
MG: nah, you were majestic
Me: :P

July 17

(after watching Top Chef Masters and hearing about Ophrah Winfrey’s personal chef.)

Me: Can you imagine having enough money to pay someone to make you world class food?
MG: *You* pay someone to make you world class food.
Me: Well, maybe…if we’re talking about the third world.
MG: Adira (his cat), I hate your master.
Me: *CACKLES* Well, I’d say second world, maybe. I can’t say first world because you haven’t grilled that pork loan with the cherries and apples lately.
MG: It’s called a roulade.
Me: Huh?
MG: A roulade, where you slice the roast and roll the cherries and apples into it. It’s French. And I haven’t made it lately because we’re at war.
Me: We are not at war.
MG: We have been ever since that mime…
Me: *stares*

July 27

Me: *bursts into song after a Huggies commercial* The first hug ever I hugged your–
MG: face.
Me: Hugged your face?
MG: Yes. I’m going to hug your face. I’m going to hug your face so hard.
Me: o_O

July 30

Me: I thought the galaxy gear was the watch, and that it was supposed to talk to a samsung phone, and that you said it would work with your phone after an update
MG: yeah it will work. But there are multiple models. The one I was going to get for $80 wouldn’t do what I’d want it for…which is to be all Dick Tracy cool
Me: That’s aiming a little low. I thought you wanted to be Chuck’s Dad cool [from the TV show Chuck]
MG: well that’s what I’d really want but they don’t make one with big enough screen
Me: LOL

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